I grow up in this house full of yell, full of hateness, riotness, not respect each other. Yes, but i (still) fuckin love it. I feel that i'm nothing here. No one ever respect me, they always tell me how lazy i am, i have pussy but act like a dick, im useless, my voice is too high. i guess everyone hates me, except one. There's only one that can appreciate me, no matter how bad and useless i am, he still love me with all of his heart.
I remember when my mom slap me, hit me, yell and scream at me, telling shit about me. But my dad never put the blame on me, altought i know it was my fault, yeah and always my fault. He gave me everything, every little thing. He know how poor i am. And he also realized how poor he is. Sometimes when he had money, he came to my room, knock the door, and gave me a little money that he had “Here, i’ve got Rp. 20.000 for you..”
Or maybe something smaller thing like..”Here, i prepare 2 cut slices mango for you. If these left in the kitchen, you will not get yours..”.
Small act, but means a lot
I remember when i want my dad to drive me to collage, my mom said that i cant do that. It will only profuse, so go ask your brothers drive you to collage. But see? They always makes me late and cant get to the class. I cried, cried so hard and makes me hard to breath, and i tell that to my Dad. He listen and calm me.
I love him so much.I cant live without my Dad, i dont know what will i do if one day he die and left me. Because no one could ever replace him, EVER! including my future husband. Because i realized one thing that “people will love people if...” there is ‘if’. Conditional and that bullshit!
The real unconditional love that i feel is from my DAD, thats all...
